


new beginnings.

by brotherlys



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Confessions, Faked Death, Hugging, M/M, Post-Death Note, a lot of crying, follows the manga storyline (i've never watched the anime), matt's still dead sorry, three years after the kira case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-07-05 20:02:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15870756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brotherlys/pseuds/brotherlys





	1. one

The ground underneath him was soaked. No, wait. He was soaked. Everything was, in fact. It was pouring rain. How ironic that the gloomy weather matched the gloomy mood. His white pajama-like clothing was getting dirty where he kneeled in the dirt. Why was he here? It’s been months since the funeral, though the gravestone still looked fresh as ever. ‘Mihael Keehl,’ the top letters read, below it continued; ‘December 13th, 1989 - January 26th, 2010.’ 

It was still surreal to him, that Mello was gone. The months flew by like they meant nothing. Time didn’t care that Mello was gone, it continued to march forward, leaving Near in the past. Near found it inconsiderate, but what did time care what he thought, anyways?

He reached out and set his hand on the stone, the rock smooth against his fingertips, his hand. He'd spend hours crying over Mello, days, if you will. The pain of his (supposed) rival's death had hit him hard and even now he feared he would fall apart at any minute. He supposed he loved Mello, though he knew for sure Mello never loved him. The brash and spiteful way Mello had always treated him was enough proof of that.

That was always what Near had thought. For months, years, he grieved over someone he was sure never liked him in the slightest. But then Lidner sat him down, like he was still a child, and explained to him the details of Mello's death. How he and Matt worked together to kidnap Takada so she wouldn't get to him. So she wouldn't kill him. After that, he'd locked himself in his room for what was surely days.

Mello and Matt had died to ensure his safety. The guilt weighed upon his chest hard. It hurt him, someone as 'emotionless' as himself. It really did and he didn't know how to handle it. Lidner and Gevanni and Rester all tried to tell him otherwise, that Mello and Matt had made their own decisions. But he knew it wasn't true. That Mello had saw a flaw in his plan and tried to save him himself, and he ended up dying. Near knew it was his own fault.

Then one day, while he was walking to the graveyard he so often visited, he was pulled into a car, a hand securely over his mouth. He struggled like any normal person would, but he was still the small, frail boy he was all those years ago. Still, he tried to get away from whoever had him in their grip. 

"Stop moving! Jesus, Near, it's me!" Near froze. He knew who that voice belonged to. The hand was removed from his face as he whipped around as fast as he could, coming face to face with the only person he had truly loved. Mello.


	2. two

He was supposed to be dead. He would _be_ dead if Takada hadn't written his name down wrong before he caught her. The one thing that saved his life was her spelling Keehl with the h after the k. A common mistake, really. It was complete chance too, he could be six feet under if not for that. Though, in a last effort to kill him, Takada set fire to the church. He'd almost died then too, gaining a few more ugly burn scars. Takada didn't survive the fire, apparently. Yagami probably wrote her name down, because when they were both running to escape the flames, she dropped dead. Mello pitied her slightly, but figured that she did attempt to kill him. So he continued on.

Matt was gone. Mello figured that out when he got to the highway and found his body, full of bullets and covered in gunshot wounds. He didn't have time to mourn the death of his best friend then and there, but as he jumped into the car the two of them had shared, he prayed that Matt was in a better place with his rosary cross in the palm of his hands.

He'd faked his death on accident, as the next day there was a broadcast on the news about Kira being defeated and a memorial to him, Matt, and so many other lives that were lost in the Kira case. So he went into hiding. Used makeup to cover up the _worst_ of his burn scars and let his hair grow out. He still looked pretty much the same, but only people who really knew him would be able to tell.

About two years, verging on three, went by. Nothing really changed. Mello stayed in hiding and everyone just believed he was dead. So he decided that, for once, he could go to Matt's grave (it was right next to his, though there was no body in that one). The last time he'd paid respects to his best friend was when his body was still warm and bleeding.

But then he saw Near, white, tiny, frail _Near_ walking to the graveyard where the graves were. It baffled Mello. It's been years since he and his friend died, did Near really visit their graves like this often? Mello would be lying if he said he wasn't the _tiniest_ bit flattered, but that was squished quickly once Mello took another look at Near, a _good_ look, and studied the details of the taller-than-he-remembered boy. It was raining, and Near held no umbrella. He was soaked, with his soft hair wet and curled from the rain. Thankfully, he was wearing a coat over his all-too-familiar white pajamas. It was probably forced onto him by Halle; she was always the motherly type, and Near was always there for her to take her maternal instincts out on. He wasn’t barefoot, that most likely being on Halle’s account too. Overall, the sight was.. sad. Near looked somber, depressed, _empty_.. more so than usual. Like he had somehow lost purpose.

So got out of his (parked) car and grabbed him, pulled him in. He wasn’t quite thinking straight, but his gut instincts were telling him what to do and he figured he should listen for _once_ in his life.  
Near struggled. It was obvious he had no clue it was Mello; after all, he’d been supposedly dead for years. He covered the albino’s mouth to keep him from screaming out.  
"Stop moving! _Jesus_ , Near, it's me!" And then Near froze and Mello removed his hand from the other’s mouth. He whipped around as soon as he was back in control of himself, grey (nearly black, Mello had always teased him that his eyes were so devoid of color because he was soulless) eyes meeting blue, both filled with suppressed emotions and a tinge of relief.

He didn’t expect the sound that came out of Near’s mouth, which seemed to be a mix of a sob and a whimper, nor did he expect the two skinny arms that now clung to him as if his life depended on it.  
“You’re real. _Oh my god_ , this is real? You’re alive, _Mello_ , I’m so sorry.” Near was mumbling and Mello picked up on most of it; disbelief, apologies, Mello’s name. A few times he heard ‘Mihael’ tossed around too.  
He rubbed Near’s back in soothing circles, trying to calm him down a bit, stop the flow of tears that streamed endlessly down the other’s face. “Hey, hey. It’s okay, _I’m_ okay. I’m here, I’m here and alive.” He paused. “Near, I promise you it’s gonna be _okay_. What were you doing out there? It’s _pouring_ rain and you haven’t exactly the right clothing on.”

He’d never been this gentle with anyone before. Not even Matt or Linda or… really anyone at _all_. He thinks that Near may be the only one to draw this side out of him; opposites attract, he guesses.

A hiccup and a sniffle came from the albino who was now resting his head on Mello’s shoulder. Mello thinks, with all the little social cues he’s learned from Near over the years they’ve known each other, that the other was going to speak. Now all to do was wait for Near to prove his thoughts right.

And, of course, he did. Mello had always been good at reading people, even supposedly emotionless Near.

“The graves, y..your _graves_. I-.. I dunno. I visit them? A few times a week if I can. Cause, you- you and Matt got... got _killed_ because of some flaw in my planning and you took it upon yourselves to fix it and oh my god you’re _really alive_ -” And he was back to clinging to Mello. The blond sighed, and wrapped his arms around Near again.

“I’m sorry. I was reckless but… Takada was gonna get to you if we didn’t get her first, y’know? And I don’t think the world could _handle_ losing another L to the Kira case.” He pauses, thinking. “Matt’s dead. I’m sure you saw the body. I thought, for awhile, I’d lost everyone? And now you’re here and I guess I realized how much I’ve _missed_ you, regardless of how much I ‘hated you’.” Cue quotation marks behind Near’s back, because Mello never really did hate Near.

Yes, he was competitive when he was younger and may have mistaken his _need_ to win with hate, but he couldn’t ignore all the innocent, crush-like feelings he’d felt before and _somewhat_ during. So he’d buried the feelings down as far as they could go and ignored them.

But this was the break in the dam, the overall confession to himself that he still liked Near, still _loved_ him. At least he knew that Near loved him too, even if it may only be platonic (if even that, but Mello couldn’t care less right now).


	3. Chapter 3

Mello supposes they both fell asleep at some point, tangled together (practically cuddling, if Mello wanted to make that reach). He was surprised that a cop or someone hadn’t rapped on the window at some point during the night, because the blonde was _pretty_ sure his car was parked illegally. But there wasn’t, and there was no ticket on the window either, so they must’ve been fine. 

Near was still asleep in his lap, and Mello was thankful he had moved to the backseat before he’d grabbed him. There was a kink in his neck from not lying down before slipping into unconsciousness, but he wasn’t too grumpy about it, since it seemed Near was sleeping well. He was sure the albino hadn’t slept this long in years, always too alert, too on _edge_. But the sun that streamed through tinted windows indicated it was about noon, and Near hadn’t seemed to have moved a muscle during the night. 

Good, Mello thought, he needs rest; and a lot of it. All the crying last night must’ve tuckered him out. Mello was sure he’d never seen Near cry before. Not when L died, not when members of the SPK were being picked off, but when he was reunited with _Mello_ , who he was so sure was dead for the past three years he sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, eventually falling asleep on the blonde. 

It was flattering, and it sent little pangs of both adoration and _sadness_ through his heart. Near must love him, right? Probably not the same way Mello loves him, but no two person’s loves are the same. 

Soon enough, Near stirred. Groggily leaning off of Mello, he stretched his arms out and fell back onto him.

“So it _was_ real.” He muttered more to himself than the blonde. “You’re alive.” He seemed happy. 

Wrapping his arms around Mello’s mid-section, he gave an appreciative squeeze. Then he sat back up, but he made no move to remove himself from Mello’s lap.

Mello raised his hand and cupped Near’s cheek, a soft smile gracing his lips. “Good morning to you, too. You’ve gotten a lot bigger since I’d last saw you, oh… three years ago?” He let out a small chuckle. Near had outgrown his babyface and seemed to have finally hit puberty, although he still looked at lot younger than he actually was and the peach fuzz on his face looked awkward from never growing out. 

Near let out an ‘ _mmm_ ’ and nuzzled into Mello’s touch ever-so-slightly. “Yeah, I guess.” He shrugged and focused his hands on playing with Mello’s hair. 

“When was the last time you got a haircut, Mello?” The blond’s hair went just past his shoulders; it didn’t look bad and Near wasn’t complaining. Just a bit… confused? Mello always took pride in his appearance before, but after the explosion that burned off half his face and a better portion of his shoulder and upper arm, he’d taken on a more rugged look.

Mello laughed at this. “Oh, I’d say maybe a few years. Remember the Mafia? They gave me a trim while I was with them, but that was the last time.” He was lost in thought for a moment, a few repressed memories of his little gang coming back to him. “Why? Does it look bad, or something?” He furrowed his brows.

Near frantically shook his head, his white hair looking ridiculous as it covered his face.” _No_ , no.. I was just asking, is all. I like it. Looks good on you.” He brushed the hair that had fallen in his face away. 

He seemed shy, almost flustered. Mello could’ve sworn he saw just the faintest of flush on Near’s cheeks. Mello removed his hand from its position on Near’s face. 

“Yeah, you think so?” He took a chunk of his own hair between his fingers and combed through it, and then ruffled Near’s hair.

“So, anyways.” He paused, thinking of how to phrase his next words. “How have you been, these past years? I haven’t heard much of you on the news, _Mr. L._ ” He stuck his tongue out playfully. 

The most he’d heard was about the imitation Kiras and Misa Amane’s confinement as the Second Kira, but there was also the fact he never really paid that much attention to the mindless droning of the replacement news anchor.

Near shrugged. “There’s been a few cases here and there. The Task Force usually takes care of it since it’s never anything major..” He trailed off, meeting Mello’s eyes again. “What about you? Where have you even _been_? When I heard… After I got back..” He leaned back into Mello’s shoulder, when had he gotten so affectionate? 

“I sent out search parties in blind hope, since a _body_ wasn’t found, besides Takada’s. And now here you are. Seems like you were the one that found me instead.” His voice sounded strained, as if he were going to cry again. “I thought… I thought I’d really _lost_ you, you know?” 

There was a crack in his voice, and Mello felt his shirt getting damper. Mello instinctively raised his arms to wrap them around Near, to comfort him, because he was here now and he could do that and he’d missed Near so much and Near missed him, too.

After awhile, Near’s crying died down and he’d stopped clinging to Mello as if he was sure the other would disappear if he let go.

Slowly, he detached himself. But with that came two ghostly pale hands planting themselves on Mello’s cheeks. Near looked conflicted, to say the least. Deep in thought but furrowed brows.

“Um..” He chewed on his lip. “Can you close your eyes? For just a second.” 

Mello obligated to Near’s request, his eyelids fluttering shut. 

He didn’t know what he expected, but a pair of warm lips on his own was not that. It took a second for his brain to register that he was being kissed, that _Near_ was _kissing him_. His eyes shot open for a second, before he remembered Near’s request and shut them tightly.

The kiss was chaste. Soft, sweet, and if Mello hadn’t before determined the rebirth of feelings he held for Near, this would’ve been the peak realization of it all. It didn’t last long, Near pulling away with somewhat of a shocked face despite him instigating it all. 

It was silent despite both of their breathing, the two of them steadily gazing into each other’s eyes while trying to come up with the right words to say.

“Sorry.” Near shrugged slightly. “I.. um.” He let out a heavy sigh. “I had to do that at least once.”

Mello just nodded. He was still coming to terms with his new-yet-very-old feelings for Near and now he had to juggle in the fact that Near loves him too.

_Wait_.

Near _loves_ him. _Near_ , the one who always seemed to indifferent to him, who was always better than him, who never even seemed to like him in the slightest, _loves him_. The thought made him flush; even more so than he was from the kiss.

“So, that was…” He trailed off. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, nervous and feeling like a grade schooler. 

He laughed, breaking the somewhat tense atmosphere. Near gave a soft smile.

“Since when have you… Y’know.” He waved his hand dismissively, but he was actually quite curious. For the longest time had they been rivals, enemies. And now they were two fools, hopelessly in love.

Near thought for a moment, like he didn’t already know. “I would say around the time before you left Wammy’s. I remember being.. _devastated_. Matt came up to my room that night and told me about it.”

Oh. _Oh_.

That shocked Mello. Near had liked him then? Near didn’t seem to like _anyone_ , besides maybe L; and that was just idolization.

He barely heard the ‘ _what about you?_ ’ that came from Near.

“I thought I hated you for awhile, probably because I was in denial and decided to pin you as my _rival_ rather than acknowledge said feelings. I think I finally came to a realization before I left, so about the same time as you.” He paused. “We really _are_ idiots, huh? Takes a whole case and thousands of deaths to come to terms with our feelings.” Near laughs at this, the sound like music to Mello’s ears. 

They were _fools_ , but at least they had each other.


End file.
